-Pictured is the mid-song banter that the slow minded reviewer couldn’t clue into. Sorry love but you can’t be in on every joke. Just this one… you’re right in the middle of this one.

The Delta Riggs Reviewed by Bryget Chrisfield

The family affair that is a Stonefield gig is quickly established when Mrs Findlay, mum of the sisters who make up this evening’s headline band, happily answers questions from her position beside the merch desk. Onstage a member of The Delta Riggs models a Purple Rain t-shirt that looks authentic. Opener “only feels right if we need to stop” is a fitting modus operandi. Their new song sounds like they discovered Tame Impala’s mysterious tuning, it borrows from theWhy Won’t You Make Up Your Mind? riff. Pointing out a dude in the crowd who models a floral bodyshirt to complement manky, long flaxon locks and beard, charismatic frontman Elliott Hammond praises, “Honourable mention to this guy. I don’t know how he didn’t end up in the band.” There are definitely moments when they all surrender to the mighty gods of rock’n’roll and show glimpses of their potential (Ride is unreal). But, having bookmarked The Delta Riggs as ‘band to watch’, it’s frustrating that thanks to arrogant, non-inclusive banter they come across as a bunch of talented dickheads tonight. As if constantly bagging the town you’re playing in and the crowd’s lack of response is a way to win fans

Bryget Chrisfield Reviewed by The Delta Riggs

The family affair that is a Bryget Chrisfield review is quickly established when daughter of Ms Chrisfield, the evening’s reviewer, happily takes notes from behind a moleskin journal.

In front of the stage a member of the Chrisfield family models a black and white houndstooth scarf that looks authentic circa 1954 David Jones attire. Opening with a quote from the bands lyrics is a fitting modus operandi (for those of us who don’t speak Latin, can be loosely translated to “Method of Operation”).

Her new review sounds like she has discovered Robert Christgau’s mysterious writing style, it borrows from the 1992 article “Culture Hero” on South African poet Mzwakhe Mbuli. Pointing out a “dude” onstage that is modelling a Purple Rain t-shirt to complement his well kept, mid length locks and a cleanly shaven face, charismatic reviewer Bryget Chrisfield states that he is already a member of the band.

There are definitely moments when she surrenders to the mighty gods of rock ‘n’ roll journalism and shows glimpses of her potential (Read is unreal). Her lack of research is apparent as the only song title Bryget decides to mention is, in fact, incorrect. Its as shoddy as pointing at a world map and just making up the continent names.

But having bookmarked Bryget as a ‘journalist to read’, it’s frustrating that thanks to subjective comments she comes across as a talented dickhead. As if constantly bagging the bands you’re reviewing is a way to win readers.”